Hope Remains

Today is Easter Sunday and I am supposed to be emerging with great jubilee from the dark womb of Lent; to be birthed into the radiant light of Spring. But somehow I still feel caught in the midst of Good Friday and the Saturday of waiting in between. It is not that I am outwardly sad, but rather that this Lenten Season has been one of great pondering and grief and my soul does not feel lifted with the answers to my questions or relieved with clear understanding simply because this liturgical season is over.

Many times I have thought of writing, but did not have the words. I may not have them now, but on the other hand, I may never have them.

Reba Place Fellowship, the community I belong to, has been studying one Beatitude each month - March has been "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." It was said that when we mourn we are actively moving toward change. Clarence Jordan, pastor and leader of Koinonia Farm in GA Link offered an interesting reflection on this and said: " Mourning elicits courageous, hopeful engagement. You’d better watch out when a fellow gets that certain gleam in his eye and a certain set to his jaw. He’s getting ready to ‘mourn.’ And he’ll be awfully hard to stop, because he will be receiving tremendous strength and power and encouragement from seeing his mourning become deeds."

This brought me a measure of hope.

This season I have been overwhelmed with deep sadness over the racism rampant in myself, my church, my community, my neighborhood, my country, my world. I hesitate to write my thoughts and feelings, knowing that they might not be shared or appreciated, but then I come again to the reality that this is a real part of my particular calling and burden on this side of the living.

Racism, is real and deep, and painful. I have been grappling with the reality of my own need for liberation from this bondage that is reflected in every decision and aspect of my own life and the world within which I live. I know I need to find creative outlets for processing and active anti-racism work otherwise I curl up in grief and am left paralyzed in inactivity.

This deeper analysis of racism has been growing in me for years but lately it seems to have reached some sort of head. I can no longer just keep going on with life unless I begin to address this issue. I have come to believe that one of the many roots of most social injustices (lack of affordable housing, lack of access to health care, environmental pollution predominately in communities of color, etc.) all come back to decisions that were made based on race.

As I mourn I ask myself, how can I be an "active mourner"? How can I move others to engagement on this issue so near to my heart?

A couple of weeks ago we had a Schools For Conversion Weekend at Reba - part of the New Monasticism Movement Link . One of the sessions was on "Resisting the Powers." It was especially helpful for me to think about the spiritual powers and principalities that are (unfortunately) at work in the world - stuff like materialism, racism, greed, fear, broken relationships, addictions,etc. But also to reflect on resources for resistance as well as all the Positive powers that are available to us as Christians too - love, grace, forgiveness, wisdom, relocation, redistribution, joy, etc.

I take hope in some of the basic acts of resistance that I can incorporate into my life:
- celebrations
- music - i.e. gospel spirituals (full of resilience!)
- vow of stability
- spiritual disciplines of: journaling, meditating, yoga, etc.
- prayer
- accountability groups
- art
- learning new languages
- organizing!

I see this as a beginning. I am not out of the woods yet, but I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and with encouragement I will continue to try Practicing Resurrection each day.